LanguageTeach

San Jose City College

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Error Analysis
Sentences hold your thoughts. Craft them with care.

FIVE CATEGORIES OF SENTENCE ERRORS:
Sentence Order | Filler Subjects and Repeated Subjects | Adjective Clauses | Omitted and Unnecessary Words | Joining Ideas

	Error Type 5: Problems with Joining Ideas Scroll to the end of each window under comments.	Comments
1.	Michael Jordan is a very successful person. Because he is famous in the world to play basketball.	Is the second clause an independent clause or a fragment? independent clause fragment The writer is presenting three ideas about Michael Jordan: he is successful, he is famous, and he plays basketball. Can all of these ideas be expressed in one sentence? Click to see the revision. Michael Jordan is a very successful, world-famous basketball player. Sentence structure = S+LV+C
2.	Now that I have told you cause of stress and I believe you already know why you will get stress.	Does the writer use a subordinator? yes no [Click] Now that is a subordinator. Does the writer use a coordinator? yes No And is a coordinator. Can both a subordinator and a coordinator join two clauses? yes No Click for a possible revision. Now that I have told you the causes of stress, you know why you will experience stress from time to time.
3.	Can you imagine you must work with an aggressive boss or unfriendly co-workers in a noisy place?	What kind of verb is imagine? transitive intransitive What form follows the verb imagine? gerund infinitive Which gerund phrase gets across the idea "you must work with"? having to work with working with Click for revision. Can you imagine having to work with an aggressive boss or unfriendly co-workers in a noisy place?
4.	The point is how many more people, who could change the history, we can lose if the government doesn't spend more money in education.	Analysis: Scroll through the entire window. 1. The sentence pattern of the main clause is S+V+O S+LV+C 2. The complement is a noun clause an adjective clause 3. Should the embedded noun clause complement be a direct question an indirect question 4. Should the word order then be we will will we 5. Should the adjective clause be restrictive Nonrestrictive 6. Are the words all well chosen and native-sounding? yes no Click for revision: The point [question] is how many more people who chould change history will we lose if the government doesn't spend more money on education. The writer does ask a direct question here, but it's embedded within the sentence, so a period is needed. The writer used a noun clause, an adjective clause, and an adverb clause.
5.	Is our responsibility as American citizens to require to the congress making laws which help more and more people to get a degree.	Analysis: 1. Does the main clause have a subject? Yes No 2. Which infinitive would be correct in this sentence? to require to lobby 3. Which word form is needed? making to make 4. Which word choice would be more appropriate in this context? allocate funds for education make laws for education 5. What type of dependent clause is used? noun clause adjective clause 6. Would it be better to use a modal verb in this clause? yes no Click for revision It is our responsibility as American citizens to lobby congress to allocate funds, which would help more people to get a college degree. ...or more simply...to allocate more funds for higher education. Note: we lobby somebody to do something or we lobby for a cause.
6.	I live the community most of the people who are African American, because most of the parent never attended to college, so that most of them they have low skill jobs.	Analysis: This writer has tried to use three dependent clauses out of four. The sentence needs to be rewritten as two full sentences, each with one dependent clause. 1. What word should embed the adjective clause to modify community? where who 2. Can community be the direct object of live? yes no 3. What kind of phrase is needed after the verb live to answer the question where? prepositional phrase infinitive phrase 4. In the adjective clause, what word should be the subject of are who people 5. If the second sentence begins with because, can the second clause begin with the subordinator so that? yes no Click for revision I live in a community where most of the people are African American. Because most of the parents never attended college, most of them have low-skilled jobs. Another choice for sentence 2: Most of the parents never attended college, so they have low-skilled jobs.
7.	He had to serve at the camp so hard for years that caused him from sickness to dead two years later.	Analysis: 1. The sentence implies the subject was not free. Which verb would be the better choice? serve work 2. Does the result clause modify the verb work or the noun camp? What does this suggest for word order? the verb work the noun camp. 3. The writer confuses the function of that. Should that function as... the subject of caused the subordinator for the result clause 4. What verb would clearly explain what happened to the man? got sick died got sick and died 5. Does two years later state clearly that the man was released from camp before his death? yes no Click for revision He had to work so hard at the camp for years that he got sick and died two years after his release. Now the result clause is placed correctly and better word choice improves this complex sentence.
8.	My parents told me that they couldn't pay for my college because they were paying my two brothers University and they suggested that if I wanted to work to help them.	Analysis 1. How many dependent clauses is the writer trying to use? one two three 2. Which dependent clause is not subordinated correctly? the first the second the third 3. How many independent clauses does this sentence have? one two 4. Which subordinator should be used after the verb suggested? that if Click for revision My parents told me that they couldn't pay my college tuition because they were paying university tuition for my two brothers, and they suggested that I work to help them. The writer confuses the verbs suggested that I work to help them with asked if I wanted to work to help them. The sentence is a complex-compound sentence. Note: We pay university or college tuition. The preposition for is not necessary.
9.	Now, years later, finally I know that what do I want to be.	Analysis: How many adverbs in a row did the writer use? one two three 2. Where should finally be placed to improve this sentence? before the main verb know after the sentence 3. What type of dependent clause is the writer trying to use? adverb clause noun clause adjective clause 4. Is the clause subordinated correctly? yes no 5. Is the word order in the dependent clause correct? yes no Click for revision Now, years later, I finally know what I want to be. Note: the noun clause derives from an information question. The subordinating conjunction is the question word. The clause must have sentence word order. The sentence is a complex sentence.
10.	It is not exactly multi-million dollars as Pat Tillman turned down, but I have given up my life to my parents, sisters, and brothers.	Analysis: The writer is comparing himself to Pat Tillman, saying he is not like him. What did Pat Tillman do? He turned down a multi-million dollar football contract to serve his country in Afghanistan. 1. To include the above information about Pat Tillman, the writer could use a noun clause an adjective clause 2. Or the writer could use an adverb clause of comparison with the subordinator... as if like. 3. Do you think "I have given up my life" is good word choice here? yes no 4. Why isn't it good word choice? The writer is obviously still alive The writer is dead 5. How many independent clauses does the writer use? one two Click for revision I am not like Pat Tillman, who turned down a multi-million dollar contract to serve his country in Afghanistan, but I have sacrificed a lot for my parents, sisters, and brothers. Or use a dependent adverb clause of comparison: It is not as if I turned down a multi-million dollar football contract as Pat Tillman did, but I have sacrificed a lot...
11.	To be a parent is definitely are precious experience that I have, and I think that I made a right decision when I decide to become a parent, helps me to learn many things about my children and myself as well.	Analysis: 1. How many complete independent clauses can you find in this sentence? 1 2 3 2. How many verbs does the writer use in the first clause? one two Is this correct? yes no 3. Does the writer use an adjective clause? yes no A noun clause? yes no An adverb clause? yes no 4. The writer is comparing parenthood with all other experiences up to the present time. What verb does the adjective clause require? have ever had I had 4. How many verb tense errors does the writer make? two three four 5. Which clause is a fragment because it lacks a subject? the first the last 6. Should the last clause (the fragment) be an adverbial clause of... purpose condition reason Click for revision Being a parent is definitely the most precious experience that I have ever had, and I believe that I made the right decision when I decided to become a parent because it has helped me to learn many things about children and myself. Other notes: The experience of being a parent is ongoing. Therefore, the gerund phrase, being a parent, is preferable to the infinitive phrase, to be a parent. Omit the time clause to avoid repetition: [...made the right decision ~~when I decided~~ to become a parent...] Note that the last clause could also be an independent clause attached with a coordinator:... for it has helped me to learn many things...
12.	Our family's decision to immigrate to the United States has been very important that it had helped my family feel satisfy with our lives.	Analysis: 1. Does "that it has helped"... show how or in what way the decision has been important? yes no To answer the question how or in what way the writer should use... in that so that In the adverbial clause, what tense should the verb help be? present perfect past perfect What form of the verbal is needed? satisfied satisfying Click for revision. Our family's decision to immigrate to the United states has been very important in that it has helped us to feel satisfied with our lives.
13.	Therefore, proving free education at community college in California will offer more opportunities for those who need but cannot afford because gradually increasing tuition and will help students to focus on their classes rather than the paychecks they need to have in order to pay the fees.	Analysis: The errors within this sentence make it very confusing. Try to guess meaning before clicking on the hidden text [...]. 1. The gerund subject should not be proving but [...] providing 2. Both need and afford are transitive verbs. They both need the direct pronoun object [...]it. 3. What is the subject of will help? tuition providing 4. What should follow cannot afford [it]? because because of The gerund phrase increasing tuition must be the object of the preposition (because of); the subordinator is incorrect here. 5. The sentence component parallel to on their classes should be [...]on their paychecks . Click for revision Therefore, providing free community college education in California will offer more opportunities for those who need it but cannot afford it because of increasing tuition and (will) help students to focus on their classes rather than on their paychecks. Other unnecessary words have been omitted. The sentence is a complex sentence with an adjective clause that modifies those. The main clause has a compound verb. The modal aux will is optional in the second verb phrase.
14.	Despite Charlie is a retarded person, but he is very hard working and ambitious.	What part of speech is despite? subordinator preposition Can a preposition subordinate a clause? yes no What subordinator could the writer use? although because Can although ever be used with the coordinator but when there are only two clauses? yes no Click for alternatives. Although Charlie is a retarded person, he is very hard-working and ambitious. This sentence is complex compound. Charlie is retarded, but he is very hard-working and ambitious. This sentence is complex compound.
15.	Therefore, I can endorse the tuition and fees at community colleges that is not an obstacle to students who want to go to school.	The writer could correct this sentence in two ways: • fix a run-on error and change the subject in the second sentence • Subordinate the second sentence, changing the subject. In either case, that will need to become to refer to tuition and fees. Click to see possible revisions. With run-on sentence corrected: click highlighted words for a definition and a correction. Therefore, I can endorsesupport ~~the~~ tuition and fees at community colleges. They is are not an obstacle to students who want to go to school. With subordination: Therefore, I can endorse ~~the~~ tuition and fees at community colleges that is because they are not an obstacle to students who want to go to school.

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